


The Red Choice

by Fishpaste



Series: Kuroshitsuji Ladies Appreciation Week [2]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: An loves her lunatic butler, Execution Mention, F/F, Grelle is a bad butler, Grelle is a pain and knows it, Murder, Suicide mention, historical views on prostitution, human dissection mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishpaste/pseuds/Fishpaste
Summary: One year after the Phantomhive fire and An is musing over how much her life has changed; both for the better and for the worse. Contemplating this she comes to an uncomfortable realisation and makes a decision which has consequences she could never have forseen.
Relationships: Angelina Dalles | Madame Red/Grell Sutcliff
Series: Kuroshitsuji Ladies Appreciation Week [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759579
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	The Red Choice

The setting sun was slanting through the French windows, lazily setting the library aflame with a deep glowing red light. A crackling fire, the quiet tick of a clock and the lazy turning of the occasional page were the only sounds intruding on An’s bliss. She lifted her gaze from watching the last of the sunlight sweep across the dark polished floor and caught the semi amused look of Grelle, still in their damnably decent butler uniform but sprawled across a chair in a positively decadent manner, leafing unhurriedly through a book of Shakespeare’s plays and watching An with languid interest.

“See something that interests you darling?”

An laughed, something that a mere year ago she would have thought was impossible. How much a life could change in a year, from being a happily married expectant mother with a wonderful family, to being alone in the world, to having an nephew who was hurting and broken, but was still there, who she could still love, if only from afar now and having this wonderful aching love filling her for the impossible woman currently smirking at her from across the room. A year ago she had been a doctor, dreaming of curing asthma for her sister and nephew, now she was a vigilante, punishing the worst criminals for their actions and cleansing the streets from their vile deeds.

“Simply thinking Grelle.”

“Oh? And what thought has got my lady so aflutter!” Grelle beamed, dropping the book to the floor and turning to face An more fully. “Can this humble butler assist her beautiful mistress in any capacity?”

“Grelle! You are far from that!”

“What? Humble? Well, when one is as magnificent as myself it can be hard to deny it...”

“No my dear. You are far from a butler. I believe one has to actually be good at their job to be considered that.”

“Rude!”

An laughed again, she couldn’t help it, Grelle just looked so indignant, as though she hadn’t been the one to trip down the stairs while carrying a tray of champagne glasses and managed to soak a very charming and handsome man An had been flirting with...actually on second thoughts that may have been deliberate.

“Well, to be honest I was thinking over how much my life has changed since I met you.”

“For the better I would hope.” Grelle’s sharp teeth flashed in a quick smile as she once again lifted her book, obviously deciding this conversation wasn’t going to lead to an opportunity for any interesting activities.

“Granted it would have been difficult for my life to get worse at that point, but yes, you’ve changed my life for better my love.”

The Reaper smiled again and buried herself back in her book, leaving An once again to her thoughts. The deep red sunlight had faded to night by now, gentle stars beginning to appear outside the window, the autumn air still warm enough for the windows to be left open this late.

Grelle had changed her life for better certainly, but now a new twisting fear was rising up within her. Life could change so swiftly and irrevocably. An would never be able to predict where her life would be in the future, not now knowing how little time it took for things to change to the point of unrecognisability. In another year's time, what would her life be like? Almost unwillingly she found her eyes flicking over towards where a discarded newspaper lay on a low table, the front page news discussing a murdered woman found in the East End. No suspects or clues had been found of course, but it was yet another uncomfortable reminder that her life was so precarious right now.

What would happen when-if she was caught? She was doing the right thing, An told herself firmly, she was doing a good thing and the whores who she killed deserved it for their immoral and cruel behaviour, but the world wouldn’t see it like that. She didn’t want to die. She had things to live for now, her work, Ciel, the joy of parties and the social life of London and most importantly her blood red Reaper. She wanted to live so she could spend the rest of her lifetime with Grelle! Even if Grelle couldn’t spend the rest of her life with An, being an immortal divine being, An didn’t begrudge her that, An would be content to spend a single human lifetime with her.

But if a single human lifetime was too short...what about a lifetime that ended after a few years of joy and love together? Would Grelle forget her quicker? An sighed, looking away from the woman who held her heart in beautifully manicured hands and tried to think of something else. She wanted to spend forever with Grelle, she would be content with spending a whole lifetime with Grelle, but she feared losing Grelle as quickly as she gained her if the police ever caught the Ripper. Not that they would, the police were practically incompetant it seemed!

But Ciel had begun taking an interest in the spate of murders. An was careful to limit her activities, to try and change up the times and locations, and Grelle of course was the best help one could have, able to get through locked doors and remove evidence An would never even have noticed. And yet...sometimes An woke up with the imaginary feel of a rough rope around her neck, with the certain knowledge she was going to die an ignominious painful death and then have her body thrown to the surgeons for dissection. Possibly those same surgeons she worked with. The idea of her own colleagues chopping her open, judging her...death as a criminal was awful.

The nervousness was twisting further through her chest now and An found herself rising to her feet and pacing over to the curtains. She pulled the windows shut, and tugged the curtains across; shutting out the night and the dangers it posed, the temptation to go out onto the streets and hunt, the deep seated terror of being caught and separated from her Grelle forever more, the quiet melancholy of loss countered by the heady excitement of everything she had gained. She shut it all out and looked around her warm, comfortable library, lit with firelight and with her beloved Grelle safe and well beside her.

“What’s wrong An?”

“Nothing, nothing…”

How could she admit her worries to Grelle? She couldn’t tell her that An was scared of dying, not to someone who had already passed on. She couldn’t say she was afraid that Grelle would forget her if they didn’t spend long enough together without insulting Grelle and suggesting that Grelle was flighty or irresponsible.

“It doesn't look like nothing, you’re pacing darling.” Grelle pointed out, not looking up from their book but clearly aware of An moving restlessly around the room, stopping to look in the fire, run her fingers along shelves of books, twitch back a curtain to look at the twilit sky…

“I’m simply…” An bit her lip and shook her head. “The newspaper story…”

“You’re still worrying about that? An love, I’ve told you I’ll keep you safe.”

“I’m not worried about the police, you’re far too brilliant for that-” An suppressed a sudden quick smile as Grelle practically preened at the compliment- “but if Ciel gets involved, he has resources available to him that the police don’t and if I do get caught-”

She cut off her words quickly, the fear back again and stronger than before, a tangled vine choking her, drawn as tight as a noose around her neck. Grelle was looking at her questioningly as An tried to bite back the words before they could spill out and ruin everything.

“I don’t want to be hanged.” She admitted, fixing her eyes on the books in front of her. Now that she’d admitted it the words felt easier, almost rushing out of her. “I don’t, I want to do the work, it’s important and necessary, to cleanse the streets; but I know the world will brand me a criminal if I’m ever caught and I’ll be sentenced to death...I don’t mind the death-” only half a lie that really - ”but I don’t want to be hanged, to be humiliated like that, to die as a common criminal, dispassionately-”

She cut off with a gasp as she felt arms wrap around her, relaxing into the reassuring hold of her lover. Grelle’s scent filled her senses as she turned to bury her face in the Reaper’s shoulder, eternally endlessly grateful that she had her, that Grelle was here and loved her and wasn’t going to leave her…

“I just want to be with you always Grelle.”

“Oh my love…” Grelle’s arms tightened around her and An basked in the attention and love from the glorious woman who had fallen into her life like a blazing comet of beauty and heady dangerous excitement. The two of them stayed like that, wrapped in one another’s arms and comforting the other. It wasn’t until evening had deepend into true night and the sounds of the city outside had faded to almost silence that they moved again. Grelle tilted her head to one side, her long hair brushing against An’s cheek.

“Is it the death you fear? Or the manner of death?”

“The manner of death.” An answered immediately. “The only regret I have about dying would be leaving you and Ciel.” Grelle hummed in response, seeming to think something over. When they next spoke their words were hesitant and quiet, as though they were desperately trying to not cause offense.

“If-if we ever do end up in a situation where it seems we cannot get out-” she started, “then...well if the manner of death is what scares you, I could make sure that you would never go to hang.”

It took An a moment to understand what Grelle was suggesting, that the Reaper would slay An herself rather than allowing her to be taken away as a criminal. Her initial reaction was hurt and rage, how could Grelle even think about killing her, didn’t she love An? How could you murder the person you loved! But that outrage vanished the moment An saw the genuine worry in Grelle’s eyes. This wasn’t the Reaper throwing aside a human accomplice who had failed her, this was Grelle offering An a way out that would give her an element of dignity, would save her the crushing shame of being branded a criminal and hanged in disgrace. So An twisted her fingers tighter into the back of Grelle’s butler uniform and considered the offer as objectively as she could.

Would it be better to die by Grelle’s hand than the noose? She would be dead either way but...the noose was so impersonal and cold. Grelle would kill her out of love, not disgust. She would die side by side with the woman she loved so dearly, without enduring the mockery and scorn of her peers. Put it like that and the answer seemed so obvious.

“Would it hurt?”

“For you? Never. As quick and easy as taking a breath.” Grelle promised, holding An even closer.

“Then yes. Grelle my love, my blood red ruby rose. Don’t you let them take me alive.” An said, a new note of fierceness in her voice. In response Grelle released her from the embrace and dropped to her knees in front of An, holding her hands and gazing up at the human in adoration.

“Yes my lady.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Kuroshitsuji Ladies Appreciation week on tumblr. If you want to come hang out there my user name is Red-Butler! :)


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